While sports have been cancelled, we have all been subjected to watching sad, desperate attempts to help fill the void of emptiness we have in our hearts. From watching NBA players compete at H.O.R.S.E to watching MLB players play The Show, it feels like every day just gets more depressing. Today, the Kentucky Derby was supposed to be happening, providing degenerates like myself the opportunity to yell at horses on my computer. Thankfully, Old Forester Bourbon has stepped in to try and help idiots like you and I today with the Kentucky Turtle Derby. I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking pumped to yell at turtles so I can cash my imaginary bet. The race starts at 7pm EST and you can watch it here:
Update: What a fucking race, What The Turtleneck (86/1) took home the W despite being a huge underturtle. I lost my bet and I’m back to being sad.