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Let’s Bring Back The Time That Brady Made Out With His Son

Will his shift to Tampa Bay make Brady a creepy old man? We’ll find out.

Just a few short years ago, around the start of 2018, a very controversial headline surfaced all over the internet. It is one that has been cemented in the minds of many people, myself included, to this day.

“Tom Brady Kisses His Son on the Mouth”

“Tom Brady Posts Video Kissing 11-Year-Old Son On The Lips Twice And Some Call It ‘Disturbing’”

“Tom Brady kissed his 11-year-old son on the mouth and people freaked out”

That’s a hell of a headline to read with no context, especially if you’re a Patriots fan. Naturally, our first instinct is to get to the bottom of this. “Surely, it can’t be what it seems” we thought. The video evidence is quite uncomfortable to watch, to say the least. Watch at your own risk.

This story brings many differing opinions, ranging from outraged citizens, convinced that Tom Brady is a sick fuck who gets off on smoochin’ his pre-teen boy. On the other side of the spectrum, Pats fans and regular parents were quick to defend Brady and his disorderly lips, claiming it’s nothing more than a father sharing physical affection with his beloved son and still maintaining his responsibilities as a famous, gifted athlete. Somewhere in the middle, there are some petty little pieces of shit that just used the incident as a way to insult every innocent Patriots fan for years to come.

God forbid you poke fun at anything at all football-related, there will always be some asshole racing to spit out the words: “BuT BrADy mAde oUT wiTh hIS SoN!!!”

From my point of view in 2018, Brady was just showing his little kid some love. Sure, a kiss on the lips for your 10 year old son is a bit much. There’s also no denying that it lasted much longer than necessary. Despite that, as a Pats fan, my somewhat biased brain didn’t think too much of it.

Fast Forward to 2020…

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Everything is different now. Although we will forever cherish the memories that TB12 made possible as he led the most powerful NFL franchise in recent history as a New England Patriots. However, much is different now that he abandoned the people that believed in him and loved him (almost) un-conditionaly. It’s time to take another look at Tom’s actions in 2018 and let’s consider why he would drop everything to move to Tampa Bay.

I don’t think anyone is satisfied with his phony-bologna PR-friendly response of “I want a new chapter in my life! Let’s see what else I can do! Hooray!” With that being said, let’s take at why Tommy may feel more at home with the Buccs.

Maybe we were wrong about Tom making out with his kid. Maybe it was kind of fucked up. If I was a parent, I would want to do everything in my power to keep my child safe. For example, not move him to Florida, where child neglect and sexual assault is far higher than Massachusetts.

Number of unique victims of child abuse in the United States in 2018, by state

And look, I’m not going to go ahead and call Tom Brady a child abuser just because he now plays for the Buccaneers. Yet now, I selfishly find the whole son-kissing fiasco much more disturbing. I mean for one, the poor kid just wanted to check how his damn fantasy football team is doing. Brady fires back with “What do I get?” as if he is doing this poor boy a favor. What bothers me now is that THE BOY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED.

He immediately rushes over to kiss him on the mouth?! Is it a fucking family tradition? The kid gives his dad a little half second-long smooch and tried to go back to what he was doing, but not before his dad stopped him with “That was like a peck.” Holy shit, Tom, what more do you want? So, as the little Brady boy tells us that his fantasy QB is Cam Newton and not his own father, he walks back and casually makes out with his dad for a few seconds. Thankfully, that’s the fucking end of it.

Perhaps Brady is jealous of his son choosing another QB over him and pro-longed kisses are just his form of punishment. I’m not a parent, but… Is that normal? I guess the point I’m trying to make is that if Brady gets a little creepy in Massachusetts, moving to Florida can only make things worse.

As much as I want justice for me and my fellow Patriots fans, I definitely don’t look forward to reading any headlines like “Tom Brady Licks Son’s Elbows in Exchange for Fantasy Advice” and I pray to god that this kid’s friends let him live this down as he gets older. Maybe he could legally change his name to get ready for high school? We’ll see.

I guess I was too biased when I first came across this video, because if we’re being honest… it’s really fucking weird.

Go Pats.

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