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Nebraska Cornhuskers defensive back Lamar Jackson #21 Nebraska Football vs Wisconsin November 16, 2019

NFL

Headline Grab: The Jets Just Signed Lamar Jackson

I swear that this is a real story, the headline just might be a little clickbait-y. But there’s a conspiracy theory that you must read.

Stay with me here, this headline grab might be a dishonest way to get some clicks but it’s not technically a lie: The New York Jets did just sign free agent Lamar Jackson shortly after the draft. However, he is not the reigning NFL MVP that grabbed the league by the balls and asked, “Yeah, you like that?” while he twisted them like a lime. We’re talking about the other Lamar Jackson, straight outta Nebraska who plays corner back. Small world, huh? So before I continue, I’d just like to apologize to you for this shameless headline grab, but a man’s got to pay his bookie back somehow, right?

Before I get into the big ‘ah-ha’ moment I’ve had about this free agent signing, let’s start by learning who this undrafted free agent is. Lamar 2 (what we’re calling him) ain’t no scrub, he started 3 years straight at Nebraska and had a few highlight reel plays in college. In his sophomore year (2017), he was the only CB to start every game that season. The following year, he made some noise with a couple picks, a forced fumble and more than a handful of pass breakups. His best year though was his senior year (2019), where he earned 40 tackles, 4 for a loss of yards, three picks and sack. He collected 22 pass breakups total, putting him at #10 in Nebraska school history. What’s the cherry on top? Lamar 2 is fucking 6’3 215lbs. Lamar 1 is 6’2 212lbs. Jesus.

This guy has the athleticism and size to cover wide-outs like Julio Jones, he may not have the speed, but he has the reliability to be a regular contributor in almost every game. On top of that, he’s an undrafted free agent that doesn’t make a dent in the Jets salary cap. That obviously must be why the Jets signed him immediately after the draft, right? You could not be more wrong, chump.

The rest of the NFL is playing checkers while the Jets are playing cricket. Moves you neither fully understand, nor expect, that can be summed up as a waste of too much time. They could give a fuck is Lamar 2 is top 10 in broken up passes in Nebraska history or if he lost his legs in ‘Nam, it’s the name. They just got a “Lamar Jackson”, maybe not the Lamar Jackson, but a Lamar Jackson nonetheless.

Reigning NFL MVP, Heisman Trophy winner, most QB rushing yards and household name. They can go out and tell all of their friends they just signed Lamar Jackson to the team, similar to when you get a fake Louis Vuitton wallet but try and pass it off as the real deal. This is a team that hasn’t won a Super Bowl since man first walked on the moon. They need every single flex they can get, even if it’s tricking people who don’t follow football into believing they picked up one of the best players in the game. They can even take it a step further and mumble, “corner back” enough for it to sound like “quarterback.” They’ve gone this far just to have the appearance that this might finally be the Jets year. So, let’s just let them have it and enjoy some L.J.2 highlights:

23 Comments

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