As we all know, thanks to some dude that ate a bat or pangolin or whatever the fuck, all of your favorite sports are cancelled. Unlike you, I’m not going to cry about it like a little bitch boy. I’m gonna find a solution. For one, there’s the option of watching old NFL games from a decade ago. Sure, it gives you a bit of a fix. But to be frank, I’ve probably watched most of the important games already. Any impressive play, I’ve already seen it in a highlight real. That wasn’t gonna cut it.
But fear not, my friends. I figured it out. I stopped mulling over the sports we’ve lost and decided to look to the sports we’ve never even heard of. There’s an easy solution here, fellas. ESPN8, better known as “The Ocho” is an absolute goldmine. If you haven’t heard of it, your first thought might be “Holy shit. ESPN has 8 channels?”. Firstly, there’s actually 9. After discovering the joys of The Ocho, I wouldn’t be upset if every other ESPN channel was permanently cancelled.
To get to my point, here are just some of the sports you may encounter on The Ocho:
5. Slippery Stairs
4. Cherry Pit-Spitting
3. Sign Spinning
2. Lawn Mower Racing